all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
