I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
