I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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