I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
