I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
