In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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