i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
