just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize