I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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