If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
