he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
