"it" just moved
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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