oh god the rape fog is back!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
