i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
