im having a threesome with these popsicles
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
