I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
