***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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