It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
