i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
