i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
