He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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