How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
