So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
