i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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