I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
