i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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