I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
