So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize