So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
