I can tuck mytits in my pants
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
