Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
