If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
