Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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