haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
