The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
