Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
