I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
