in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
