So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I stole a fireplace last night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
