don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I lost the right to judge tonight
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
