sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
