Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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