becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
