i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
