just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
