You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
