So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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