I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
