I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
