I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
