so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
