I think my vagina is haunted
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
