If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
