I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
