No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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