47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
