No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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