Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
