that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
