I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
