...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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