I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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