someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
