Don't you send me to vm
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
