I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
