haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
