so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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