Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This show inspires me to have sex in space
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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