imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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